My partner asked me to marry him a few weeks ago. I thought that perhaps my dad would be happy, even if i dont end up having a conventional wedding. I thought maybe he'd stop thinking i was a fuck up. My family said I was going to ruin his life. My father actually said that he felt sorry for Warren (maybe they all just hate that i wont allow him to see... find 'the truth'?)
I guess i should have known...
The doctors have been telling me I am infertile for 5 years. I went in for exploratory surgery to find out why, they sent me home (before doing a thing) after they got my blood work back... because I'm pregnant. I thought that it was the most amazing blessing, I thought perhaps my Dad would be pleased that he would finally have a grandchild. Guess not. My whole family says that I make them sick and they are so pissed that we put our wedding off until 2009,
is my family unusually mangled? or do you all get treated like Satan?
sorry for unloading but i can't help but be pissed. not to mention i am way moody.
should i just accept that they are deceived and will likely think i am bad forever?
I guess i should have known...
The doctors have been telling me I am infertile for 5 years. I went in for exploratory surgery to find out why, they sent me home (before doing a thing) after they got my blood work back... because I'm pregnant. I thought that it was the most amazing blessing, I thought perhaps my Dad would be pleased that he would finally have a grandchild. Guess not. My whole family says that I make them sick and they are so pissed that we put our wedding off until 2009,
is my family unusually mangled? or do you all get treated like Satan?
sorry for unloading but i can't help but be pissed. not to mention i am way moody.
should i just accept that they are deceived and will likely think i am bad forever?
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Oh Autumn!!! Congratulations!! You have such great news though!!!! On being engaged and pregnant how wonderful!!
But as far as your family goes. I don't know each one is different. It really I think, depends on how "deep" into the "truth" they are. The only witnesses in my family was just my mom and I, and my little sister. I was the spiritual leader of the household though, so once I left home, my mom's meeting attendance and so on really hit a low. And now she hasn't been to a meeting in 2 years. At first when I left the witnesses (about 3 years ago) my mom was really angry with me, and she would cry and ask me if I still loved Jehovah. But since I'm not encouraging her to go to meetings anymore, she stopped going, and his having many doubts in her own faith. So, she and I are still close, and it doesn't bother her that I'm not a witness anymore. I feel I've successfully outlined for her why that religion doesn't work for me. And I have some good reasons, that can't really be argued with.
If your family is deeply entrenched in the doctrine of the Witnesses. I would say, you probably shouldn't expect them to support you. It would be great if they could look beyond your beliefs and just love you for who you are. Or at least have the descency to treat you like a "worldly" person. But they are so tied up in their own rules and regulations. It's too bad the self proclaimed "loving" people can't see how un-loving shunning really is. It's manipulation - plain and simple - to make you do it their way or else.
In my case, when my family has affected me negatively. I've just had to close them out for awhile and start my own "family" of friends. If they are harming you emotionally, you should separate yourself from that. You have to protect yourself. -
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You are so right Mandy,
I have a new family now!
My family was similar to yours, growing up i lived with my dad and brother. I was the zealot and when I stopped going to meetings they did too. I guess the difference is that they didn't turn their hearts away, while I have completely different ideas about creation.
I guess I wanted to believe that me being pregnant might help my dad want to get close to me again.
Sigh.... its nice to know that I am not alone in some of the things I go through... I am so thankful for this tribe. -
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Congratulations....
And If I can get anywhere where you folks are, I'm an omni-denominational wedding minister, and offer you my services, free. Or can help you ordain whomever you'd like to do your officiating! -
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Avishai, thanks... but we're in Canada!
I think thats too far!
We're going to get our friend Rev Damuzi of the church of the Universe
its a church that honors all faiths and also believes that all plants on earth have a purpose,
psychoactive or otherwise, we are writing out ceremony together, it'll be so.... us
(though i bet my folks wont come when they find out the guy who's marrying us has dread locks to his butt) -
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Cool. Remember, the wedding is about YOU and your Hubby. So, don't let them make your dates one way or another. Make it a special day for you, your relationship, and your child to be.
Minister w/ dreads.. He has me beat! I used to have hair to the middle of my back, and I loved it when I'd take the paperwork into the courthouse "And YOU ARE?!?!?!?!" "Why, I'm the minister, ma'am" "Yeah, right!" And then I'd whip it out. My credential, that is!
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Congratulations Autumn, such exciting news for you!! Families are so complicated when it comes to this JW drama. I have come to have no expectations with my parents. They haven't spoken to me in years and it hurts deeply but like Mandy said, we have to create our own family to find happiness.
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That's right, creating your own family is the best response to being shunned by your blood relations. None of my family has anything to do with me, not even a word from them (outside of my oldest daughter calling to see if I was ok) when I was in the hospital having surgery.
You are far from alone in being treated like you have the plague. Just consider that they are the ones living in darkness and hopefully one day they'll figure it out. In the meantime, you can build your own family of loving friends.
That's where I'll be this Thanksgiving...with my "hand-picked" family. Those who love me without reservation. -
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Thanks Kelli, and *B*
Right now I have my love and our unborn child, thats family enough for me. I really have nothing to complain about, I have so many soul brothers and sisters.
Its so interesting though... what happens when a baby is tossed in the mix of in-laws, parents and friends...
EVERYONE has an opinion, and it THEIRS that is the right one. I am having my baby at home with a midwife... I don't see why not, its free either with a midwife at home (or in the hospital) or with a doctor (with no other choice but the hospital). I figure come time to give birth, I can choose this way if there are complications or if everything runs smoothly.
But now my partners Christian parents think I am a witch (somewhat accurate I guess depending on how you look at the word) because I want a home birth and no vaccines in my baby. I am starting to realize that you're right, I just have to give up on wanting people to be happy with the choices I make. No one is ever going to agree with anyone 100%.
All I have to do is my best. As long as I honor what I feel to be true and right I'll do fine. I will never please everyone. I should have been rejoicing (why does that word remind me of the KH?) instead of letting myself be sad about other peoples views.
Random question, when you have your baby in the states do you have to pay for anything? Doc/midwife visits? Home/hospital birth? -
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In the United States, having a baby is incredibly expensive - especially if one doesn't have health insurance that covers alternative birthing.
According to MedicineNet.com:
"The typical uncomplicated pregnancy runs about $14,000 in total cost...Assuming an uncomplicated pregnancy ending in a vaginal birth, patients would pay between $1,455 and $7,884 out-of-pocket, depending on how generous the consumer-directed plan. But a complicated birth requiring a cesarean section, early labor, or a newborn stay in a neonatal intensive care can balloon out-of-pocket costs to $8,800 for the most generous plan and a staggering $21,200 for the least generous. “Families could be liable for $15,000, $20,000, $22,000 for the cost of care,” warns Karen Pollitz, a Georgetown University researcher who co-authored the study."
www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp
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wow *B* !!!!
that is so crazy... its amazing that people can afford to have children at all in the states....
....I wonder if midwives in the states are cheaper...?
if you were from the US and you had no insurance in Canada it would be cheaper to have your baby at home, WAY cheaper, I think its only about $3000 tops for a midwife if you had to pay
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You're right though Autumn, you have to do "your best". I think that's all that can be expected of anyone. That's how I've been able to reconcile the abuse that I endured when I was a kid. Quite honestly, I think my mom did her best, with what she had. She's an emotionally damaged person, but I always felt her love. Even though I can't understand why she did all the things she did, I think she tried her hardest to be the best mom she could be. Knowing that I can put the past behind me.
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I had a homebirth with a birth attendant (I didn't like my midwife and ended up paying 1,300$ for a unregistered midwife in Vancouver) and Chai has never been vaccinated.
I have and continue to get so much heartache from many people but at the end of the day, I have to do what is best for me and my son. I try to fuel the criticism and use it to make me stronger. I am offly proud of myself for birthing a nine pound, three ounce babe all myself in my living room (I am five feet, 100 pounds). When people give their opinions about how homebirth is irresponsible, blah blah... I tell them my story and their mouths hit the ground. Trust yourself, you are strong Autumn and you will know what to do. I would suggest getting yourself a doula.
l also walk with my head up high knowing that my child is free of toxics, etc. I made an informed decision, which is more than what a lot of parents can say around vaccinations. There is a great book about vaccinations by Aviva Jill Romm that you may want to get and offer it for loved ones to read. It is a beautiful, non-threatening book.
You deserve to be happy and only you know what that happiness is... just like your parents making decisions for themselves... it is your turn to do right for your own little family. I have learned that pleasing others only causes you pain and often, that person is never satisfied. You are always hitting a brick wall.
Not to be discouraging but the opinions coming from everyone is only the beginning... wait until you start showing and then have the babe. Strangers on the street will stop you to give you their opinion and act like it is fact. It was something that I struggled with initially (being quiet and private, I did not like the attention) but I have come to accept it and most of the time, I hum in my head and walk away having no idea what they just said to me!
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kelli,
thanks for everything that you wrote here,
i am still taking it all in.
its nice to know that i am not alone in my stand against vaccines
and wow!, your baby was BIG and you're tiny!!! good for you girl! i already have an unregistered midwife (a friend, who has and will continue to support me and wont charge for it) but for my fiance's peace of mind I have to have a registered one too...
I know that I just have to do things that feel right, i just wish people wouldn't be so fearful of opening a book and reading for themselves. No one wants to find out they're wrong... well, not no one. We're all here because we found out that what we believed (or were taught to believe) was not the truth.
If we educate ourselves then perhaps we can find people who are willing to listen.
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First off, I want to say congrats on your pieces of good news, and you know that even if you don't have your blood family to support you, you always have your friends, I don't know about you but I view my friends as family.
As far as the family not supporting you, until last year I would have said that that was true of my family. But a funny thing happened on Feb 4, 06, I fell asleep at the wheel in Nevada, rolled my car at least two and a half times, survived the entire wreck without a scratch until (after landing on the roof of the car) I took my seatbelt off and landed on my head breaking my neck. So there I was homeless and in the hospital with a broken neck and who showed up to pick me up and move me in with them? My JW parents who I haven't talked to in nine years.
My point? Just because they seem to be not supportive now doesn't always mean they won't be in the future. Maybe my folx were the exception to the rule, I don't know. What I do know is that at times it seemed they were on a roller coaster, sometimes they would talk to my three sisters who also left "the truth", and sometimes they wouldn't. *shrug* Just go with the flow and hope for the best, I guess.
